Szukam pracy

[Szukampracy]

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[goodugg17]

A guy who was in the Air Force had just spent a year tour unaccompanied to Shemya, Alaska. The first night he got home, he exclaimed to his wife, "Honey, I want you to know that I haven't wasted all this time alone. Instead,Rolex
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I've mastered the art of mind over matter. Just watch this!"


And with that he dropped his trousers and shorts and stood before her in his altogether.


"Now watch," he said. Next he said, "Dick, ten-HUT!"

And with that, his dick sprang to full erection. Then he said, "Dick, at EASE!"

And his dick deflated again.

[goodugg17]

A caller, perplexed that his new desktop computer--the one that was supposed to do everything short of bringing on world peace - was doing nothing, cried out for help. No problem, the IBM technician said. First,Christian Louboutin Sale
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open a "window" to launch a specific program. The conversation continued, and the caller asked a few moments later if it might be all right to close the window. Why, the IBM technician asked. Because, the caller responded, it was getting very chilly.

[goodugg17]

A nun walks into a bus and sits behind the driver and says, "I have just one regret before I die,"

The bus driver asks "What might that be?", she says "I have never had sex, but I can't have sex with a married man or that would be a sin."

The bus driver says, "I'm not married"

The nun says, "I have to die a virgin so I will have to take it in my ass".

Being the only two in the bus they went to the back and took care of business.
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When they were done the bus driver says to the nun, "I have a confesion to make, I am married."

The nun says "I also have a confesion to make, My name is Tom and im going to a costume party!"

[goodugg17]

A blonde walked into a bar
OUCHH!!!


A french fry walks into the bar and says to the bartender "Hay , could I get a beer please"
The barthened looks at him shacking his head and say "No, we don't serve food here"
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A mushroom walks into the bar and says to the bartender "Hay , could I get a beer please"
The barthened looks at him shacking his head and say "No, we don't serve food here"
The mushroom says "Why not I'm a Fungi!"

[goodugg17]

Mickey goes to the judge after speaking to him before about getting a divorce with Minney. The judge says "I'm sorry Mickey but I couldn't find grounds for divorce for being insane. Mickey looks stunned and says "I didn't say she was insane I said she was fuc**** Goofy

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Q: What does a dwarf get if he runs through a womans legs?
A: A clit round the ear and a flap across the face


Bungee jumping is like getting a blowjob off your granny, It feels great but for christs sake don't look down.

[goodugg17]

A bear is sitting in the middle of a forest taking the biggest shit of his life and feeling dam good about it.

He looks down and sees a rabbit dumping a load right next to him. The bear looks at the rabbit and says, "Hey, uhh Mr. Rabbit, uhh do you have a problem withthe shit sticking to your fur?" The rabbit shakes his head no and says, "Nope, never bothers me."
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The bear says, "Good!" takes the rabbit and wipes his ass with him and then tosses him aside.

[goodugg17]

One night a man and woman went to his house to have sex when he stopped her to say "I still live with my parents and me and my brother share bunk beds so if you want to change positions say "lettuce" and if you want to go faster say "tomatos"

So they were getting it on and she was screaming "lettuce, lettuce, tomatos, lettuce, tomatos, tomatos"
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Suddenly the younger brother (on the bottom bunk) said

"Could you stop making sandwiches your getting mayonase on me"!

[goodugg17]

Wanting to see if he could fool the farmer again, the ventriloquist asked if he could speak with the farmer's horse. "Well, you know, horses don't talk." Again the ventriloquist said, "You'd be surprised what a horse might tell you."

So the farmer brought out his horse. "Say, Mr. Horse, how does the farmer treat you?" asked the ventriloquist. The horse then replied, "Oh, I think he's great. He feeds me oats, he puts a blanket over me at night, and I just love him!" Again the farmer was amazed.
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Wanting to try his luck a third time, the ventriloquist said, "Mr. Farmer, would you like to hear what the sheep has to say about you?"

"Well," declared the farmer, "Sheep lie, ya' know."

[goodugg17]

The next weekend Jake and Bubba went down to the stadium where the tournament was to be held and signed Bubba up. An old man came up and started briefing them on the rules of the contest and such. Jake, seeing Bubba was a bit nervous, asked the old man for any tips. The old man looked up to Bubba and said, "Just you watch out for his pretzel hold. Ain't nobody ever gotten out that thing."
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One by one, the contestants ahead of Bubba went in and came back balled up and hurting. Two hours after they arrived, Bubba's turn was finally up. In the ring, right before the bell rang, Bubba looked back at Jake and said,
"Don't worry buddy. I can avoid that pretzel thing." But not ten seconds after he had gotten up in the ring was The Killer laying on top of the contorted ball of Bubba and the referee was pounding the mat, counting to ten.